Thursday, December 15, 2011

On Not Dating

I came across this article from The Catholic Young Woman - one of my favorite blogs -  and I thought I'd repost it here for those of you who don't read it.  (Is there anyone here who doesn't read it?)

Clare gives a no-nonsense, convincing post about her particular reasons for not dating.  I find it so sad that nowadays young people seem to think dating is an absolutely necessary part of growing  up - what's even sadder is the amount of really young kids who think they're old enough to take on a relationship like that.  Seriously?  I'm unready (not to mention unwilling) to date, and I'm in my mid-teens.

You know, I also feel like dating really isn't that romantic, after all.  It seems so....I don't know....sort of insipid and fake.  Can you imagine Pride and Prejudice ending with Darcy asking Elizabeth to go out with him?  It would be horrible, wouldn't it?

Enough of my blabbing now.

Why I Don't Date
It still surprises me a bit when some preteen girl casually mentions her boyfriend to me. Boyfriend, sweetie? Aren't you a little young? Of course, I do know that little childish crushes have been around for at least a century. One only has to read L.M. Montgomery's books to hear young Davy confiding to Anne his plans to marry a girl at his school, or see baby Rilla watching young Ken with big adoring eyes.

But it's strange to me to see little boys and girls caught up in the world of casually dating and casually breaking up. Why would they date? It's just a fact that they're going to be getting married no time soon.

Maybe they date because they see their olders and presumably wisers doing it. I find it no less surprising that adult people are dating with no thought of marrying the person they're in a relationship with. The life of casually dating seems to be a setup for unnecessary confusion and heartache.

The only reason I've heard for dating that even sounds good is the reason: you have to learn how to relate to members of the opposite sex. Sounds good, I say, because I grew up without a single date and ended up better at relating to men than to women. I had friends who were men, and I spent time with them in group and family situations where they really acted like themselves... not dressed up to impress me.

The reasons I've had for not dating, however, been many.

Why would I get involved with a man if the relationship were only 'casual' and not seriously determined to explore the possibility of marriage? It would be dishonest of me to go into such a relationship without letting him know that I wasn't that serious. But even if I were honest about it upfront, a relationship of that nature invites attachment and because of that, heartache.

Why would I want to waste time in a series of casual relationships when I could be working hard and preparing myself to serve God? It may be true that youth is a unique time of being free with time and energy to have fun, but it's also true that youth is the best time to serve and build character. I don't like to think of what kind of habits I would be forming in pursuing a series of casual dates.

I don't date because the young men I like and appreciate I like and appreciate too much to toy around with their hearts... and the young men I don't like, I wouldn't date. I don't date because love doesn't signify just 'fun' to me, but commitment and sacrifice. I don't date because I'd rather use that time learning to serve God better. I don't date because I believe both he and I are worth the commitment of a relationship that looks towards marriage.

Visit The Catholic Young Woman to see the original post (it has a nice picture) and to read more amazing articles by Clare and the other wonderful contributors!


  1. It hasn't been long since I last read this, but Clare's posts are well worth reading again. I doubt I'll ever be ready for dating. If I'm lucky I'll bypass the dating stage entirely.

  2. I quite agree! Whatever happened to the sweet, innocent, and old-fashioned romantic relationships? I find it very disturbing when I see preteens walking down the street, hand-in-hand. Tom Sawyer and Becky Thatcher are one thing - boyfriend and girlfriend are quite another!


Your comments make my day! I read every single one of them, and I'll usually check out my commenters' blogs, if I don't follow them already. I try to reply to my comments, but please don't be offended if I don't make it to yours. Procrastination habits do extend to comment replies, unfortunately.

Of course, courtesy is necessary. I will delete any comments which do not meet my requirements.

Thanks for making the effort to tell me your thoughts!

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...